Hesperian Health Guides
Why Women Stay with People Who Hurt Them
HealthWiki > Where Women Have No Doctor > Chapter 18: Violence Against Women > Why Women Stay with People Who Hurt Them
She should try not to make him so mad.
Why doesn't she just leave him?
This is my home. I donât want to leave. I just want him to stop hitting me. Besides, where would I go?
âWhy does she stay?â is the first question many people ask when they hear about a woman who is being abused. There are many reasons why a woman might stay in an abusive relationship.
They include:
- fear and threats. Her abuser may have threatened to kill her, her children, or other loved ones, or do other harm if she leaves. She may feel she is protecting herself and others by staying.
- no money. If the abuser has prevented her from earning money and controls all their money, she may have no access to cash and no way to support herself and her children.
- no place to go. If the abuser has isolated her from family and friends, and there are no resources in her community for women leaving abusive relationships, she may have no place to go.
- no protection. Often police and medical workers do not consider violence against women as a crime. She may have little protection from her abuser if she leaves.
- religious and cultural beliefs. Some religions and cultures think it is more important to âsaveâ a coupleâs relationship or prevent divorce than to stop violence against a woman.
- shame. She may feel the violence is somehow her fault, or it is her failure if the relationship with her abuser ends.
- hope for change. She may focus on what is good in the relationship and think she can make the violence stop.
When we ask why a woman does not leave, it says that we think it is her personal problem to solve. The whole community must be responsible for the health and well-being of every person. An abuser who violates a womanâs right to live free from physical harm must be challenged and stopped.
This page was updated:22 Jan 2024