What to Do

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HealthWiki > Where Women Have No Doctor > Chapter 18: Violence Against Women > What to Do

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In this chapter:

 

In this chapter:

Make a safety plan

Think about these things even if you do not think the violence will ever happen again.

A woman does not have control over her partner’s violent behavior. But she can try to plan how to get herself and her children safely away from that person.

Safety before the violence happens again

• If you have a neighbor you trust, tell them about the violence and ask them to get help if they see or hear violence at your home.
• Try to keep some money with you at all times (enough for transportation or phone calls).
• Know where the nearest phone is or keep your charged mobile phone with you.
• Teach your children not to get between you and your abuser if violence happens.
• Teach your children where to go and how to get away safely.

Find someone you trust who can help you sort out your feelings and think about your choices.

Safety during the violence

• If you think your partner is going to be violent, move to a room with a telephone, or with a door or window to escape through. Avoid rooms with knives (like the kitchen) or other weapons, or rooms where you could become trapped.

Safety when a woman gets ready to leave

• Try to save a small amount of money each week. Keep it in a safe place away from home, or open a bank account in your own name.
• Pack and leave an emergency suitcase with someone you trust. Try to include copies of important documents, like identification for you and your children, money, medications, and extra clothes.

Do you have skills that you can use to earn money?

• Think of other things you can do safely to become more independent, like joining a community group or spending more time with your family.
• Look for shelters in your community where women who have been abused and their children can stay for a while.
• If you can do it safely, practice your escape plan with your children. Make sure the children will not tell anyone.
• Do not tell your abuser you are planning to leave. It is best to leave when your abuser is not around.

If you leave

I wanted to leave my husband, but I did not have any money of my own. So my aunt let me help her sell things in the market. I also made some money by taking care of other people's children. After 2 years I had some money saved. So one day I took the children and left. Sometimes it is hard to live on the money I make, but not as hard as living with all the beatings.

If you decide to leave, you will need to be prepared for some of the new difficulties you will face:

Safety. The most dangerous time for a woman is just after she leaves an abusive partner. Her abuser has lost control over her and might do anything to get it back. They may even try to kill her if they had threatened to do that. Finding a safe place to stay is important, somewhere that the abuser does not know about and is well protected. She should not tell anyone where she is staying, so her abuser cannot find that out.

Living independently. When a woman leaves, she will need to find a way to support herself and her children. Staying with friends or family may give her time to get more education or job skills. Or she may be able to share a living space with other women who have left abusive situations.

More Information

starting a support group

Feelings. Setting up a new life after leaving an abuser may feel like too much to face. A woman may feel scared and lonely because she is not used to being alone in a strange place. She may even miss her abuser, despite what that person did to her. She will need time to feel sad about the loss of her former life. Talking with others in a similar situation may be a helpful source of support.

This page was updated:13 Nov 2023