Hesperian Health Guides
Pressured or Forced Sex
HealthWiki > Where Women Have No Doctor > Chapter 5: Health Concerns of Girls > Pressured or Forced Sex
Contents
Forced sex with a person you are dating (date rape)
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| If someone forces you to have sex when you do not want to, it is rape. See Chapter 19, “Rape and Sexual Violence.” |
People all over the world, especially young girls and women, are forced to have sex when they do not want to. This is often done by a current or past sexual partner, or a person they are dating. This is called date rape. The force may not only be physical. You can feel pressure from words or feelings. Someone may threaten you or say “please” or somehow make you feel guilty or ashamed if you do not have sex. This is still wrong. No one should be made to have sex when they do not want to have it.
Prevention:
- If he wants to have sex and you do not, you can tell him you are flattered by his desire for you but that you are not ready. If you are afraid of being alone with the person, bring someone with you, or ask someone else to talk with him.
- If you do not want to have sex, you can tell the person you are not ready. If you are afraid of being alone with them, bring someone with you, or ask someone else to talk to them.
- Say “NO” loudly if you are pushed to have sex, and keep saying “NO” if you have to.
- Move away if you are touched in any way you do not like. Your feelings are warning you something worse may happen. Make a lot of noise and be ready to run if you have to.
- Go out in groups. In many places, young couples court or date in groups. You can still get to know someone and are less likely to be pushed into having sex when you are with others.
More Information
rapeMore Information
emergency contraceptionMore Information
to prevent HIV right after exposure- Go only to public places where there are other people, and be sure you can get home if you want to leave.
- Plan ahead. Decide ahead of time how much touching is OK and how much will be too much for you. Talk to your partner about what you decide.
- Using alcohol or drugs changes your ability to make and keep to decisions, or protect yourself when your decisions are not respected. If you are going to use drugs or alcohol, use the information above to avoid situations that are less safe.
If someone in your family tries to have sex with you (incest)
It is never right for someone to touch you if you do not want to be touched. Family members, such as your cousin, sibling, or parent, should not touch your genitals or any other part of your body in a sexual way. If this happens, get support. Even if the person says they will hurt you or others if you tell, you need to tell an adult you trust as soon as possible. Sometimes it is best to tell someone outside your family, such as a woman teacher or religious leader in your community.
Young girls and older men
Some girls are attracted to older men. Going with an older man may seem very exciting, especially if he is well-known or important in your community, or if he has money. In some places, a man who buys his girlfriend many presents is called a “Sugar Daddy.” Often a girl who goes with an older man ends up feeling she was used for sex or treated badly, especially if the man is married or has other women.
Sometimes an older man can make a young woman feel more pressured to have sex than boys her own age can, especially if he has power over her.
More Information
sex workersTrading girls for money or other needs
Sometimes a poor family will give a young daughter to an older man to pay a family debt. Or they may trade her for money or something the family needs.
Sometimes the girls are taken away to another town or city. They think they are going to work in factories, or as maids, but they are often forced to have sex for money. This is sex trafficking.
If you think that you or another girl in your community is going to be sold into marriage, or sent away to work, look for help from another adult. Perhaps an aunt or uncle, or a woman teacher can help