Death and dying

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HealthWiki > Promoting Community Mental Health > Chapter 7: Mental health during different times of life > Death and dying

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In this chapter:

 

In this chapter:

• Chapter 7: Mental health during different times of life
• Pregnancy and parenting newborns
• Babies and young children
• Adolescence
• Building connections as an adult
• Aging and living as an older person
• Death and dying

Thinking ahead to and preparing for death can bring up strong emotions. Dying and death are topics people often avoid talking about, even among friends and family. For many, not being able to talk about and plan for death creates stress, anxiety, and depression.

Let’s talk about it. “Death Cafes” are one-time or multi-part group conversations to talk about death in an open, respectful, supportive, and confidential space so people can feel safe expressing their thoughts. Talking freely about death can remove the taboo against talking about it, provide relief for participants, and lead to sharing new ways to think about the end of life. With tips on how to keep it simple, the Death Cafe Guide (free from deathcafe.com) covers how to organize an event, often in a library or other public space, and how to make everyone who attends feel welcome.

Make your wishes known. It should be easier to think about and get legal support for what you want for your end of life, including in case of an emergency. Some libraries and legal aid non-profits hold clinics to help write an Advance Health Care Directive, a document that specifies the medical care you want under certain conditions (for example, not wanting machines to keep your heart pumping if you have brain damage and won’t wake up). Legal aid clinics can also help you write a simple Last Will and Testament. Making these decisions when you are well, and adjusting them as needed, can bring you and your family peace of mind. PREPARE for your care (prepareforyourcare.org) walks you through this process based on the state you live in.

I have a lot of single friends, working in different professions who want to have an advance health directive but put it off. We decided to get the forms, have a party to fill out and print them, and then be witnesses for each other, signing them to make them legal. It was fast and fun—and we felt good about getting it done!

Prepare and share a list of palliative care, complementary care, and hospice services. Help people learn about these services, how to access them, and which are free or affordable. Palliative care focuses on well-being, comfort, and support to make decisions so a person will feel better. It is not only for people who are dying. Complementary care means therapies that help ease problems from illness, lessen treatment’s side effects, and feel calmer and worry less, such as meditation, herbal remedies, pain medicines, special diets, exercise, hypnosis, acupuncture, massage, and prayer or spiritual healing. Hospice services focus on making a person who is dying more comfortable by reducing pain and other symptoms with medication and other methods, helping them and their family make plans, find emotional and spiritual support, and address other needs. Hospice can start months before the end of life and can happen in a hospice center, a hospital, or where a person lives.

Spending time with someone who is dying

When you are with someone who is dying, it can be hard to know what to say. Still, many people find this time to be meaningful and important. It can provide a chance to give both the person and yourself peace of mind. If there are important things that remain unsaid between you, you will need to decide how you want to express your thoughts and feelings.

It may feel right to simply be present, perhaps holding the person’s hand so they know you are there for them. Regardless of whether they have months to live or are no longer fully conscious, you can:

• talk about memories, especially happy ones, and accomplishments the person can feel good about.
• thank the person for what they have given you.
• let the person know you love them and will miss them.
• express forgiveness or ask for forgiveness.

Sometimes, confronting the end of life may find you or the dying person angry, sad, or scared. Staying close, keeping them company, and listening can show you care. You do not have to express feelings that you do not have or tell them what they want to hear. You will have to live with your last interactions with them after they pass away. If what you feel you must say may be difficult for them to hear, try to say it in a way you will not later regret.

Sometimes a person wants to talk about dying and may ask you what it will be like. It can be hard to hear these questions when there are no easy answers. It is OK to say: “I don’t know. Nobody does.” You can reassure the person that medications and other methods are available to help control pain.

Every person’s body slows differently as they die. Holding their hand as they cry or talk about their good memories or regrets may be the best you can do. Telling them you will be there with them as they die can help, even after they lose the ability to speak. They may appreciate prayers, other religious or spiritual practices, music, or incense. Often the person can still hear you even when they no longer seem to be awake or responding. Just sitting with someone and breathing with them can be very comforting in the last stages of dying. Saying out loud that it is OK for the person to let go can make a difference. They may need pain medication along with your care and presence to bring comfort and ease their transition to death.

A dying person and their family need care with love and dignity. With death as a part of life, hospice workers, death doulas, and health promoters trained in what is needed at the end of life accompany families and share their skills to help people get through the hardest of times.

This page was updated:18 Apr 2025