Hesperian Health Guides
Self-esteem
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| As a child, Malika felt less valued than her brothers. The family thought the boys were important enough to be given an education but that she was not. |
When a woman feels she makes a valuable contribution to her family and community, she is said to have good self-esteem. Good self-esteem reminds us we deserve to be treated with respect. It is an important part of good mental health.
Self-esteem begins to develop in childhood and in part comes from how we are treated by important people in our lives— parents and other family, neighbors, teachers, and community and spiritual leaders. If these people treat a child as someone who deserves their attention, if they praise the child for doing something well, and if they encourage a child to try things that are difficult, the child will feel valued.
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low status of womenSince women are often valued less than men, girls may have a hard time developing good self-esteem. For example, if their brothers are given more education or more food, if they are criticized a lot or if their hard work goes unnoticed, then they are more likely to grow up feeling unworthy. As women, they may not believe they deserve to be treated well by their husbands, to eat as much food, to have health care when they are sick, or to learn new skills. Women may even think that their lack of importance in the family and community is natural and right—when, in fact, it is unfair and can be changed.
A woman with good self-esteem will feel more able to manage daily problems and will be better able to work for changes that can improve her life and her community.
Building self-esteem
Building self-esteem is not just deciding to value yourself more. It often means overcoming deeply held negative beliefs about yourself that are so much a part of you that you may not even be aware of them.
Improved self-esteem often comes from experiences that allow people to see themselves in new ways. Change can come through building on strengths you already have, like an ability to form close, supportive relationships with others, or from learning new skills.
As a child, Malika was expected to be quiet and do as she was told. When she was 18, her parents forced her to marry a military man. Malika was in love with someone else but her parents did not care. The military man was an important man.
After they had been married for a number of years and Malika had given birth to 4 children, her husband stopped coming home at night. Friends told her that he had been with other women. Malika complained to her mother and her mother told her to just live with it—this was how her life would be. Eventually, Malika’s husband moved out to live with his girlfriend. Malika felt worthless and this made her very sad.
One day, Malika was given the opportunity to enter a program where she would learn to take care of children at the community school. She decided to try, even though she had never worked away from home before. Learning new skills and being with the children and other women in training changed Malika. She began to see she had value outside her marriage and she could have useful and fulfilling work. She also made new friends. Malika then began to think about what she could do for her family and what she hoped to accomplish in her own life.