View source for A Health Handbook for Women with Disabilities:Harmful beliefs about disabled women’s sexuality

{{bctrail|segments=3|chaptitle=Chapter 7: Sexuality}}
{{DISPLAYTITLE:Harmful beliefs about disabled women's sexuality}}{{SideSupplement|bookabbreviation=ahhfwwd|pagealt=is from<br> pages 140 to 141 of|chapterpdf=http://hesperian.org/wp-content/uploads/pdf/en_wwd_2008/en_WWD_2008_7.pdf|bookurl=A Health Handbook for Women with Disabilities|booktitle=A Health Handbook for Women with Disabilities}}
{{chaptertoc|In this chapter:|
 <ul class{{=}}"noprint"><li>[[A Health Handbook for Women with Disabilities:Chapter 7: Sexuality|Chapter 7: Sexuality]]</li>
 <li>[[A Health Handbook for Women with Disabilities:Harmful beliefs about disabled women’s sexuality|Harmful beliefs about disabled women’s sexuality]]</li>
 <li>[[A Health Handbook for Women with Disabilities:Learning about sexuality|
Learning about sexuality]]</li>
 <li>[[A Health Handbook for Women with Disabilities:Different ways of having sex|Different ways of having sex]]</li>
 <li>[[A Health Handbook for Women with Disabilities:Possible problems during sex|Possible problems during sex]]</li>
 <li>[[A Health Handbook for Women with Disabilities:Working for change: Sexuality|Working for change]]</li>
 </ul>
}}

<div  class{{=}}speechbub style="position: relative; float:right;height:370px; width: 350px; left: 20px;">[[Image:WWD_Ch7_Page_140-1.png|350px|center|alt=a woman speaking about a disabled man and woman touching each other; another disabled woman replies.]]
<div style="position: absolute; width: 75px; top: 15px; left: 41px;">They have no right!</div>
<div style="position: absolute; width: 170px; top: 205px; left: 11px;">But why not? We have the&nbsp;same human feelings, and the same needs for love, sex, and family as anybody else!</div></div>

Some harmful beliefs about the sexuality of women with disabilities are described below. Many women with disabilities say these negative attitudes and beliefs disable them from enjoying close, loving, sexual relationships. Sometimes these wrong attitudes prevent women from finding faithful spouses and partners who respect and value them.

==== Harmful belief: '''''Disabled women's bodies are shameful''''' ====

In most communities, women are valued by a standard of physical attractiveness. If a woman looks very different from that standard, people may not think she is `worthy' to be married or to be a sexual partner.

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{{StoryBox|Gita tells us about "perfect" marriage partners|
[[Image:WWD_Ch7_Page_140-2.png|150px|right]]
In India, the problem is that we look for perfect people with perfect bodies. So much importance is given to physical appearance that there's no place for a person who is 'imperfect.' Just take a look at the matrimonial advertisements today&mdash;all the men want women who are slim, beautiful, fair-skinned, educated, of good breeding, et cetera. There is also a belief that if a boy marries into a family where one of the family members has a disability, his children will be born with that disability. It happened to me, so I know. There is a very strong gender aspect to this. It is the women who are expected to be perfect in every way. On the other hand, the groom could be disabled, ugly, epileptic, alcoholic, and he's still the perfect groom!
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==== Harmful belief: '''''Disabled women cannot have sexual feelings''''' ====

Like other women, women with disabilities have sexual feelings. But members of her family or community may think she should not or cannot have sexual feelings.
<div  class{{=}}speechbub style="position: relative; height:150px; width: 405px; float:right;">
[[Image:WWD_Ch7_Page_141-1.png|400px|right|alt=a woman using sign language.]]
<div style="position: absolute; width: 210px; top: 40px; left: 24px;text-align:left;">My deafness does not prevent me from having sexual feelings, just as wearing glasses does not prevent you being thirsty or hungry!</div>
</div>

Sometimes, a woman with a disability comes to believe she does not have sexual feelings and no one will be sexually attracted to her or want to have babies with her. If a woman is born with a disability, or if she became disabled as a young child, she may have a hard time believing she is sexually attractive as she grows and develops. If a young woman becomes disabled when she is starting to explore her sexuality, her self-image may be hurt and she may not believe she will ever have a sexual relationship.

Even an older woman who has developed and experienced her sexuality may change how she feels about her body after becoming disabled. She may think she is not sexually attractive anymore or feel sad that sex would be different now. She may not realize she can continue to enjoy sex.

==== Harmful belief: '''''Disabled women always want sex''''' ====

Some people think women with disabilities—especially women who have difficulty learning or understanding—always want sex. But this is not true.

Just like any group of women, disabled women have a variety of preferences. Some like to have sex often, and some do not like to have much sex at all.

Like any woman, a woman with a disability should be able to choose when she wants to have sex. And every woman must be able to say no to sex she does not want.

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{{spannote|||'''Prevent sexual abuse of girls and women who have trouble learning or understanding'''

Many girls and women with disabilities do not get enough attention or chances to develop the close relations they need.

If you are left at home or ignored by your family, you may be lonely and look for a friend or someone else who will pay attention to you. Other people can mistake this need for attention with a desire for sex. Or they may try to take advantage of you, because you are alone or because they believe no one will care if they hurt you.

It can also be hard to express what you really want, especially if you have not been taught about sex. It is very important to learn about your body and about sexuality. Someone you trust can help you protect yourself and make good decisions about sex.
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{{Previous and next sections|Chapter 7: Sexuality|Learning about sexuality}}


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